My love journey has been a roller coaster ride since i came back from OBS. I never experience this kindof complex situation in my life before. Its the combination of my fault + Third Party + Her fault that caused all this ruckus.
I jus came back from visiting her. She fainted yesterday noon n i had to take half day leave. I was super worried about her. But yet, i cant show her so much love cuz I dont trust her animore and we're taking our time off. So ya. No sayang2 no mushie2 stuff. She gave me a jolting birthday surprise wen i arrived at NUH. She was on the wheelchair holding my cake, while mira n khai was at her side. I'm touched. So touched. Yet i cant show my love. What i'm showing to her now is care n concern. Love is not there animore. My heart urge me so much to show love but my Pride is hurt. It'll take quite some time to heal itself. As i push her back to her ward and watch her sleep with all her "get well soon" gifts, I was telling myself, "This is the woman i love so much, but i dont wanna be with her cuz her heart is no longer longed for me." Soft strokes to her hair with her hand grasping mine and placing it jus beside her soft tender cheek. Once in a while she'll open her eyes to see if i'm still beside her. Hearing her cute snooring and wiped her drool with my own handkerchief, making sure she'll deep in her sleep then i take my leave. But not before slipping my ring into her left index finger and kissing her forehead. Coming back home, checked her mails and read one of the mail she replied to Oska. Its a long one but i understand. I fully understand right now. That even though after being discharge from hospital, she wants to "come back" to me, I know, her heart is not with me. Her heart will always be with Oska. Hurts me alot, but I have my Pride. No point loving some one who loves u but her heart is sumwhere else. No meaning to put yur heart and soul if her heart is not yours to keep. Pointless, Meaningless. I've been putting up a brave facade when guy(s) call u up and u answered right infront of me. Guys calling u out of the blue, calling u jus for a chat. For god sake u're attached. Yes proving to me dat there's nothing wrong btween u guys by talking infront of me but i dont like it. I hate it. I bloody damn hate it. If u dont understand den i'm sorry. U dont like when girls call me right. The END..
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